Admiration from Afar
by theghoulthatwrites
Summary: Haise visits :RE almost every day and feels something towards the beautiful waitress, but is held back from talking to her. So he is stuck watching and admiring her from afar... One-shot.


**Standard disclaimer: I do not own anything but the 1000000% fictitious plotline.**

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Sasaki Haise was an adult; he had been attracted to other woman before, but there was something different about this one. He wasn't sure if he had ever felt this way before since he could only remember the last two years of his life; it was eating him alive. He wanted to know what was different about the waitress at :RE, he wanted to know why he felt such a great connection to her despite not knowing anything about her.

Talking with those around him offered little help. Saiko had never felt this way about another person, only characters in her video games. Tooru and Shirazu wouldn't know what to do, even if they had felt it before. Urie was on the same level as Saiko, except the only attraction he felt was to his job.

He was only slightly comforted after asking Arima and Akira.

"Just talk to her," Akira had said. "You won't get anywhere without trying right?"

But Haise couldn't do that. There was nothing physically preventing him from approaching the woman and having a conversation; it was a mental incapability. No matter how much Haise wanted to speak with her - about anything - he couldn't. It was as if there was something deep inside of him that was scared; scared that she would realize what he was, he convinced himself.

Arima's only advice was to do what he thought was right, yet still maintaining the secrecy of what was and what he did. Concealing his identity was crucial in every aspect of his life to Haise. But Haise knew that wasn't what stopped him; it was something more. Something deeply rooted in the core of his being - something that possibly came from the missing twenty years of his life. But no matter how hard he searched for the reason, he never found it.

Now he was sitting at his usual table, just near the bookshelves, of :RE; discreetly watching the woman of his thoughts serving other patrons. Each time he came, she had the same smile; beautiful yet sorrowful. Haise many times wanted to ask her why she would look so sad when she smiled, especially towards him. But again he stopped himself. Somehow he felt he knew why she looked that way.

"You know why, Haise," a voice drifted through his mind. A voice Haise knew all too well; the voice of Kaneki Ken.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," he snapped to the voice. He felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand on end, as of something was standing just behind him. Very faintly, he swore he felt a person's breath ghost across his skin.

"Come on, Haise. How long do you think you can ignore me?" It taunted. "How long do you think you can ignore **her**?"

Haise shuddered, knowing full well the voice knew exactly what held him back; it always did.

"Because I am part of you," it explained matter-of-factly. "We are the same, Haise."

"We are not the same," Haise argued feebly. He had had this discussion with the voice many times in the past two years.

"Look," the voice demanded.

Suddenly there were images projected across Haise's mind; memories. A young man with black hair and an eyepatch fumbling about as he attempted to pour coffee the correct way, under the instructions of a purple - haired young woman. With a jolt, Haise recognized the color of her hair. The image morphed into the same young man, now with white hair, carrying the young woman in his arms away from the carnage behind them. She was beaten and bloody, the back of her shirt torn as if a monster tried to tear it off with his mouth. Haise watched as the young man gently set her down under a tree and left her, ignoring her shouts. The image changed again; this time to the storefront of a cafe. The young woman, now older, walked out of the building and placed a menu board on the sidewalk. There was a gust of wind as she straightened; she held her hair behind her ear to keep it out of her face as she gazed down the street, a wistful expression in her eyes.

"What is this?" Haise asked the voice, his own trembling slightly.

The voice laughed. "They're memories, Haise. **Our** memories."

Before Haise could deny it a soft, feminine voice brought him out of his stupor. A shadow fell over his table and he looked up to find the reason of his dilemma leaning over the table, a worried look on her face. Startled by the close proximity, Haise scooted back to put some distance between them.

"Sir?" She called softly. "Are you alright?"

It took Haise a few seconds to register what she said. When he did, he stumbled over his words to respond. "Oh. Y-yes, I'm fine. Thank you."

The woman looked into his eyes for a moment before nodding and gently setting another cup of coffee in front of him. She turned to serve not her customer, but paused when she saw him lift the cup to his face and inhale the aroma wafting from the cup. With a thoughtful smile the young woman returned to her duties, serving the waiting customers.

Placing the cup back on its saucer, Haise contemplated all that the voice had shown him. It was the first time it had played past memories for him to see; Haise figured that the woman was very important to the voice, who he was before he became Sasaki Haise. He watched as she flitted gracefully around the tables, taking and delivering orders; just like she had in memories.

Haise sighed and sipped his coffee; the same coffee he had enjoyed for the last two years of his life, maybe more. He told himself that he might not ever develop the courage to talk to the waitress, but he now had memories of her from before his time. He always felt that he never deserved to feel this way about another person, considering what he was; but now he could continue to admire from afar with Kaneki Ken's memories of Kirishima Touka.

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 **Yoooooooooo it's been awhile since I written anything solely about Touken/Tousaki so here's a little something. The idea behind this actually came from an online rp generator thing and it was just perfect for Tousaki. I actually like how this turned out, but I'm a biased opinion so yeah.**

 **I truly do appreciate each and every one of you that reads, reviews, favorites/follows. Y'all really keep me going tbh. Please feel free to tell me what you think, I'll always welcome constructive criticism and overall opinions. ^^ There are three different ways to contact me, don't let those go to waste!**

 **With love,**

 **Lau ( ˘ ³˘)**

 **Tschüss!**

 **Coming to an electronic device near you: _The Lost Loser [Ayahina, awaiting final revisions]_**


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